


Everyone shall know their role (Part II)

by lumifuer



Series: Everyone Shall Know Their Role [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, F/M, Negan Angst, Negan Fluff, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Protective Negan, The Sanctuary, the saviors - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8850358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumifuer/pseuds/lumifuer
Summary: Negan was shot to death and the reader is left with a life changing decision to make. Will she keep her promise or go against her lover's last wish?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't originally planning on writing next part of this story,but given that I've received a lot of feedback and some of you were interested in what happens next, I changed my mind. I hope you'll enjoy this as much as the first part!

The sun was shinning through the dirty window glass, showcasing dust dancing in the air and then falling slowly on the furniture.

I’ve always been a clean freak, but my inner urge to keep everything in order was surpassed by walking corpses on the streets. Now I could hardly imagine myself running all around the place, gloved and with a vacuum in my hand. The vision caused a tiny smile to appear on my lips.

And then something entirely different caught my attention. I turned my head to the left side of my bed. It was still empty.

So it wasn’t just a bad dream after all.

The hope was still alive in my mind. I reached out to touch the material. It was cold and unwelcoming, meaning nobody was recently sleeping there.

I scoffed at myself for being so naive. Of course nobody had slept there. The only man I’ve ever loved was dead. I burned his body two months ago. Given the harsh situation we were all in I should have been over it long time ago. But I couldn’t ignore the hole in my chest which appeared the moment I saw the life escaping from Negan’s eyes. It caused too much pain to simply wave it off.

I closed my eyes for few seconds to collect my thoughts and finally decided to get up. My feet touched the stone cold floor and it immediately served as an alarm clock. Still, not the most effective way to wake up my head, but it would have to do.

I opened the closet and took some clothes from inside of it, trying really hard not to pay attention to the red scarf hanging in there, too.

I put on a pair of jeans and a fresh shirt, the touch of clean fabric making me want to pat myself on the back for assigning more people to the laundry duty. Apocalypse or not, wearing sticky, blood stained clothes wasn’t doing us any favours.

I quickly grabbed my gun from the table top and shoved it in my thigh holster. You would think that I’d be used to carrying around weapons like that, but I’d be lying if I said so. It still hasn’t become any easier. For me it was like dragging around all those lives that you took, shackled to your ankle. It wasn’t pleasant and I didn’t think it would change.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself to face the world once again and pushed the door open.

I was heading towards the kitchen to grab something to snack on when I heard someone yelling my name behind me. I turned my head, feeling a huge lump in my throat. Dwight was running in my direction, trying to catch up.

“Something wrong?” I swallowed hard.

He gave himself a second to catch a breath and shook his head.

“No,” I sighed with relief. “Boys wanted me to let you know that the green house is up and running.”

“Already?” I smiled at him “Great, can I see it?”

He nodded and gestured in the opposite direction. I was ecstatic to see it. It was the first good thing that happened since my nightmare came true and I was thankful that they managed to build it so quickly. It was more than yet another means of surviving and being independent; it was a sign that from now on everything should finally go well.

At first I had a lot of doubts. I wasn’t sure if staying at the Sanctuary and trying to rebuild it was a good call. After all, I made a promise to Negan that I would take his offer to rejoin Rick’s group and use it, so I could be safe.

But the moment I saw him lying in the dirt, bullet hole in his chest and Rick being the one who caused it, I knew it couldn’t work out. Sure, they were trying to convince me to return to Alexandria, but it no longer felt like a home to me. My heart and soul belonged in the Sanctuary.

Rick lashed out at me when I explained that my behaviour had nothing to do with the whole kidnapping puppetry. And I was in no position to blame him. He always considered me to be his dearest friend and when he needed me, I took his biggest enemy’s side and remained loyal even after his demise. Sometimes I wondered if he was ever going to forgive me or at least understand my actions. It was doubtful; all in all, Negan had taken our friends’ lives, struck fear in other group members, and was constantly putting everyone in Alexandria safe zone in danger. Whether or not Grimes was ever going to change his mind about me wasn’t my decision to make and I was going to accept his judgment either way.

“So,” Dwight’s voice roused me from my reverie “How you holding up?”

“Fine,” I replied automatically.

He shot me a disbelieving look. “Yeah, so what about those damp eyes and bags under them?”

I shrugged, trying to wave it off. “I’m better than yesterday. I guess that’s what matters.”

He nodded shyly and we spent the rest of our short trip in silence.

As soon as we reached the green house I could feel a grin lighting up my face. The glass building was truly impressive. Solid, clean and ready to use. I had spent enough time with the Saviors to learn that they took pride in everything they did. But this? This was an entirely new level of satisfaction. This simple building was going to make it easier for us to survive the winter and finally become self-reliant. It was the first huge project in two months and we were all grateful for being able to start from the beginning.

I spent the rest of the day in a rather usual manner, helping with whatever I could and making sure everyone had everything they needed. In the evening I went back to my bedroom, more tired than ever. I sat on the mattress and let a quiet sigh escape my mouth.

I was thankful for days like this one. Being caught up in work was making it harder for my mind to drift away and dwell on memories. But nights? They were much worse to deal with. I was left alone in a tiny room, the past being the only thing keeping me company. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands. Pictures from this terrible night immediately flooded my head. Negan’s begging eyes when he asked me to play the role of a Stockholm syndrome victim, Rick pointing his gun at him and then his body laying in the pool of blood, cold and motionless.

I could feel my eyes tearing up and I shook my head trying to get these thoughts out of my mind.

That’s not how he’d like me to remember him.

I stood up and leaned against the window frame. The view might have not been pleasant to an outsider. High metal fence, leashed walkers or at least what was left of them, grey, crumbling buildings. But I could see beyond the concrete walls and barbed wire. I saw a safe house, welcoming everyone who was willing to obey its rules and risk their life to protect people inside it. I recognized hard work, sacrifice and strictness, but at the same time it was a story of care, intelligence, and courage.

I couldn’t help but feel a shy smile lifting corners of my lips and finally making its way up to my eyes, igniting a new spark in them.

That’s how he’d like to go down in history.

I looked away from the window, facing the desk that was standing in front of my bed. Lucille was laying on top of it, blood stains faded, but still visible, rust showing first signs of its presence on the barbed wire. I pouted, remembering that I should take better care of her. I promised myself to start tomorrow.

I knew that I should have found her repulsive; it was a weapon, no different than the gun resting in my holster, used to threaten, hurt, and kill. Some of my friends got in the way of her owner’s wrath and paid the highest price. But my stay with the Saviors helped me change my perspective a little bit. Rick had his knife and pistol, Negan had this bat. He was more than a raging, bloodthirsty psychopath who was took pleasure in smashing peoples’ heads. True, he could be ruthless and unforgiving, but I learned that he used this to protect the members of his group. He cared for them in this twisted way. Just like he had cared for me. They made an oath to obey his rules and he made his own. He wanted to make sure we were safe and in his understanding it meant zero tolerance for order violation.

I suddenly felt at peace; I was no longer conflicted about staying in the Sanctuary instead of leaving with Rick. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning, a new chance to build and improve what Negan left behind.

I took a quick glance at Lucille one more time.

“I love you, too,” I said under my breath.

For the first time in weeks I wasn’t feeling lonely.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always helpful and greatly appreciated!


End file.
